deathmetalthunder dot com

This thing is disturbing...



And the introduction is just priceless. Though I'm going to have to buy this song now, I have always wondered who the hell 'sung' that song.

Labels: music, stupidity

Just got back from that party at Winston's place and I was leaving when the Pilots overheard this guy on the phone (they recounted the story as we drove home). He was there with a girl who knew Winston. He was obviously talking with one of his buddies and "Yeah, we've got to get out here so we can play 'hide the sausage.'" Who fucking talks about people they're dating like that? I have to call up Winston to let him know his friend is going out with a douche bag. Though I'm sure she knows already since most girls go out with douche bags.

Now to the rest of the Red Wings game!

Labels: pilots, stupidity, winston

This morning was one of them. Nothing better than a situation you can't hope to dig out of.

Labels: stupidity

neolefty sent me this awesome site with the most awesome content, texts from last night. And I think the updates are pretty constant so the stupidity is always new.

Labels: minutia, neolefty, stupidity

I had a pretty long day of avoiding turning my Sunday in house work and ended that avoiding in my office getting some pics of me pretending to work. I don't know if the cigars and bourbon give an adequate representation of work, but it was all make believe. Now I've got to (painfully) do the work thing for real.

Labels: drinking, house, stupidity

One hour 29 minutes.  That is how long it takes to walk from my house to the Flying Saucer.  Good thing my car was there so the return trip was significantly shorter. I had met some folks at the Saucer before heading downtown and I chose not to drive. Shockingly it was a day that I wasn't drinking. My ride left early and I didn't feel like inconveniencing the backup driver to drop me off there so just came home. Then I got it in my craw to just walk. And walk I did. But I stopped along the way for an ice cream sandwich so that's something.

Labels: stupidity

I can think of a lot of things I'd set on fire before porta potties. Not that I'm into setting stuff on fire, of course, but in a wonderful city like San Francisco you'd hope people could entertain themselves in non-combustible ways.

Labels: stupidity

This is a classic clip from the greatness that is Battle of the Network Stars. It takes a couple minutes before the real action starts, but it is filled with great un-PC lines and arrogant bastards (well, one bastard).

Labels: sports, stupidity

I'm sure I haven't mentioned my ambivalence towards Ambien. I don't know if its because the site's been down for months or that I usually don't opine about pharmaceuticals. Either way, I've heard too many stories from people I know about the stuff. Now neolefty's send me this article about a guy in Wisconsin ending up dead. I know Yo! has had issues with the shit and I've always bitched at him about it, but at least he's not (yet) dead from using it.

And then I got ANOTHER article about stupidity while sleeping. Sleep emailing? What the hell.

Labels: neolefty, sleep, stupidity, yo

Maybe not to sleep just yet. I got to enjoy the local news with my parents and am pretty happy that I avoid such things back home. Goodness gracious there is such absurdity that masquerades itself as news. The only one worthy of mentioning is a dog being thwarted in his attempt to rob a store of a bone. I'm sure it is a youtube video in the make.

With that, I'm signing off.

Labels: stupidity

Not traveling for a while made me forget how horribly people dress while traveling. Lots of sweatpants. People must have confused planes with their living rooms, apparently. And it typically is women that slum it up. I don't expect people to get all dolled up but have a bit of respect, if not for yourself, then for those around you.

Oh, and there is something ridiculous about me being in my parent's place by 1 PM ET. That includes two flights, the hour long drive, lunch (at the glorious TooJays), and a trip to the grocery store. I know I left ridiculously early but this is insane. And I'm 'working' this afternoon to boot!

Labels: stupidity, travel

I should not be up at midnight when I have to be out the door by 4:45 am. At least I've been pretty much packed since 8 pm.

Labels: stupidity, travel

I know there are a few out there but I'm too lazy to post them all individually, so here's a collage of all the pictures...

Labels: drinking, stupidity

Going to Good Will with this worthless stuff. I do have the touch.

Labels: sports, stupidity

And the day of miracles continues; I have a new phone, a Nokia n75.

I was given the pleasure of “winning” this at a charity silent auction benefiting Sammy's House. Turns out my boss donated it and I could've got it for free.

Labels: stupidity

Nice story from that wasteland called Georgia: Police Question Armless Man In Neighbor's Death (from incognegro, of course).

Labels: incognegro, stupidity

What's up with hotmail? That's the biggest piece of shit ever. It wasn't working in firefox last week and now its not even coming up in IE. Besides that, do they ever make any changes to that application? There's no search and everyone else has had that for years. Shit, I say

Labels: stupidity

Somebody f'd up down the street. An 18-wheeler ran into/tore down the overhead power lines and knocked out power for a couple hours in my neighborhood. Good work, ass hole.

Labels: stupidity

I couldn't finish this thing, it was just too painful. From incognegro, of course. I feel ashamed, almost, to like hot blondes.

Labels: incognegro, stupidity

incognegro sent me this crazy video about a Philippines prison re-enacting Michael Jackson's Thriller video. Yes, you read that right.



I don't know if I've ever seen the like.

Labels: incognegro, stupidity

I left the bar and wanted to hear a song, but couldn't remember the name of the song or the artist so I started clicking through hoping I'd randomly find it. It took me over 1100 of the 1473 to find it (Ceremony by New Order). Went from doing that in my parking spot, to driving up to my place, laying on my couch, and then finally sitting on my back porch before I finally found it. I don't know if that says I'm persistent, seriously lazy or that I've got obsessive tendencies. With that cheery thought, I go to bed.

Labels: music, stupidity

From the people are stupid category, from the Detroit News:
Shin-Soo Choo is back in the majors for the Indians, but not before being booed in the minors because of his name.

Choo said he was booed by some fans last week in Toledo because of the similarity between his name and that of Seung-Hui Cho, the Virginia Tech killer.

"Some fans said bad things," Choo told the Cleveland Plain Dealer. "It's pretty close to my name. It upset me."

The full article can be read at this link.

Labels: stupidity

Look what my polaris found at the bottom of the pool. I just need to bang the shit out of this to get all of the gunk out.

Labels: stupidity

Ok, I'm going to try to put this down while I can think of it or I'll forget and it'll be lost to history. I had a 10 am flight out of Rome Ciampino airport this morning and barely made my shuttle to the aiport. I had partied it up something fierce last night at the wedding (beautiful wedding, so I hear. Did I mention I missed it?). I think I had nearly three bottles of wine so I was a bit wrecked when I took the last seat on the bus (I think I can confirm this if you see the fifteen picture I took of myself in the small-ass room for no apparent reason or the four calls to the front desk for a wakeup call 30 minutes later than the situatioin warranted). This Swedish gentleman starts talking to me and I start saying how I hadn't any socks on. Apparently his friend overheard us from half-way up the bus and referred to me as the Sockless American. Anyway, we get to the aiport to caged mayhem as there was an air-traffic controllers strike for four hours right during the window of my flight. The Swedes and me decide to divide and conquer, me and Lars head to the local town to track down an internet cafew while Gert stays with the luggage. This little hamlet was about 10 minutes away on the local bus and pretty quiet and still pretty early so we tried to find a hotel. The first one didn't have on, but they recommened another one. That place has a computer but it was dog-ass slow, but the guy calls up for us to learn (wrongly, as it turns out) that the strike was over. Lars and I share a taxi back to the airport with this Dannish couple (hot ass Dannish chick, by the way) to find that caged mayhem has been replaced by unfiltered insanity. The queue was now beyond comprehension. Ok, try this to get an idea: Led Zeppelin's opening up for The Beatles with a very special introduction by Jesus H. Christ. That's the kind of ginormous line.

In comes Gert to save the day as he had made some friends (more Swedes!) who are at the front of the line so Lars and I head to the front to get new tickets to Stansted airport for tonight (9 pm) and a flight to Stockholm at 6 am (in like 4 hours). So we had to kill like 12 hours before our flight. Though there was a moment where I almost had a flight first to Barcelona before heading to Stockholm. That would've been interesting. I mean, an unplanned country stopover?

Anyway, we headed back to the town (Ciampino) to spend the rest of the day. So, how to kill that much time in another town? One would think drinking, but another would be just killing time. We went to the town square (a circle, actually) and found a place for a quick bite. Then to the earlier hotel to leave our bags before the Swededes took naps in said square. They're old hippies found of the Grateful Dead so they are excused. I headed back to the hotel and slept in their lobby. I don't smell that bad so that's ok.

More later, I need to pass out.

Things I haven't the time to mention: my wedding conversation with the priest where there was an Elvis reference, me breaking my temporary crown, the Swedes taking naps in the park.

Labels: jmvc, stupidity, travel

There's some sort of conference in our office this week so our boss asked that we be in the office by 8 am and be dressed somewhat nicely (that only means no jeans to me). Well, the weather's been shit all weekend and there are advisories out for now until noon Tuesday so I assumed we'd get an email telling us to work from home. Well, I was up at 6:30 and made a nice breakfast (scrambled eggs with ham and spinach), but there was no email saying to stay home. So I ventured in around 7:30 through slick roads and a couple of accidents (two cars spun out on the I-183/Mopac breezeway) just to find an email from my boss saying to stay home. Well, I think I'll stay a couple hours to kill some time before fighting my way back.

And I see a stew or some other comfort food in my future.

Labels: cooking, stupidity, work

This is confirmation that water does flow counterclockwise south of the equator.



neolefty and I were playing the parts of scientists between all the eating and drinking.

Labels: neolefty, stupidity

We're down partying in BA for New Year's and this is what we have to see? So, I guess this old chick's not up for the after party.

Labels: stupidity, travel

Keymaster's headed off and I'm in recovery mode. Good time last night. We saw this band, Okkervil River, which was so-so. After that, me and Keymaster separated to get two different groups back to an after party. Neither of us knew where the place was, but we did have vague text directions.

I get the group of Swedes who worked for the World Bank. They were in town from Washington D.C. for ACL Fest and were friends of a friend of Keymaster. On the way, I pointed out things like stores, roads, and trains that they probably didn't have in Sweden. They seemed taken by this strange American. That being me.

We found the house with a bunch of people out front and headed in. I introduced everyone and immediately began confusing the blonde Swedish girl with a blonde girl at the party. I kept saying things like, "what keeps happening to your accent?"

After about 30 minutes or so, I realize Keymaster hasn't shown up. I give him a call and it turns out he's across the street at the party. Yes, I was at the wrong party, but they had a keg so I wasn't too concerned about it. I checked with the Swedes and they seemed fine with staying at the wrong party.

Eventually I did go to the real party and they're all sitting down. Sitting? The other party had people standing. No contest, so I had to go back. Besides, the Swedes were still there. And after about 15 minutes, the other party crashed the party, too.

Good times!

Labels: music, stupidity

Went out with Aces and he originally started off the night saying he was rooting for Ohio State in the big game later today (he's a Nebraska fan), but he changed his tune after the drunken antics of the jackass Buckeye fans. I tried to tell him.

Labels: aces, drinking, sports, stupidity

Well, the leather jacket back from its home country. Looks like new. Can't even tell it was covered nearly entirely with blippitty blood.

The dry cleaning lady said they couldn't get it all out, but I couldn't find anything. Maybe that'll be a surprise for some time down road. Something like:

Random Person: "You've got something on the back of your jacket."
Me: "Oh, I do? Crazy. Let take a look at it." Then I'd take a careful look before announcing, "that's nothing to worry about, that's just caked in blood that the dry cleaner couldn't get out." And then I'd just keep on walking.

And it'd be real funny if the person hadn't heard the story. Or if I hadn't been walking.

Labels: stupidity

So I've come back to the office. So far, it has been a gigantic
mistake. I feel fine, that's not the issue. The issue is this place
has removed the water cooler and coffee machine (not that I drink
coffee, but it's the principle). Worse, it appears that the proxy
server is gone so my days of unmonitored internet access have gone the
way of the dodo bird. I see lots of days working from home in my
future. Or using email to update the site. Or my phone.

Labels: stupidity, work

Well, things didn't go so well Friday night. After the party, a bunch of us headed downtown (Mac, 420, Patches, incognegro, Winston, Flashman, among others) and a good time was had by all. Winston had agreed to drive me and incognegro back to my place. That's where the fun started.

We left the bar and were heading up Red River when I stepped off a curb wrong. The rest of the experience really felt as if I was looking up from the ground. I saw myself falling face first towards the concrete, but not before some glass broke in my path. The small pieces of glass look huge from the ground and my body looks like a tree being cut to the ground. My body is surprisingly limp except my right arm which is desperately trying to brace the fall though this will do no good.

My next angle is behind the right side of my face as it impacts the shards of glass, viscously breaking my fall before the concrete.

The rest of the next few hours are a blur: me actually realizing I needed to go to the hospital; the look on the cop when he first saw my bloody cut face; the medic in the back of the ambulance saying to remain calm and me responding that I had no other choice; the flurry of activity as I was pulled into the emergency room when I asked for them to spare my shirt, coughing out blood while saying it was from Brazil; somebody mentioning how much glass had been in my face; me verifying that I would be able to go to Sealy's wedding Saturday night.

Some were a bit more vivid, like when the second doctor couldn't close the cut on my neck and me coming back to myself. Questioning something I've taken for granted my entire life. I've never said the words before and hope to never again: am I going to die?

The answer was an obvious one for them and I know why. I needed to know I was going to live even if it was a lie. In death, that would've been the greatest lie ever. In life, it seems almost matter-of-fact.

The total damage was 30 stitches. I've got a cut from the right eye to my mouth and two on my chin. Though I did learn after the fact that the carotid artery was cut, it definitely could've been a lot worse.

incognegro came back to hang out after the work was done. I quickly got back to my flippant style of things and had him take some pictures of the mayhem that once were my internal liquids. We got back to my place around 7 am Saturday and I slept like the dead. Funny, I didn't find out until I woke up that I should've been woken up every few hours in case of a more serious concussion.

I was woken up by a knocking on the front door. I got up, but only barely. I can only imagine what Patches was thinking when he saw me approaching the back door of the house. Me, wrapped up like a mummy with bloody gauze.

It was around 1:30 and I decided to stay up. I woke up the house guest and we sat around most of the day. It was obvious I was in no condition to go to Sealy's wedding so incognegro headed out without me. The Saw came back later in the day and picked up some of my medication.

The rest of the day was uneventful, though I called up some people to let them know. I was thinking of not doing anything, but it's kind of tough to hide the damage the glass and concrete do to a face (that could be a fortune cookie).

I took incognegro back to the airport a bit earlier today after successfully doing nothing of consequence (though I did get him to watch the classic Time Bandits).

I think I'll be looking forward to boring weekends from now on.

Labels: 420, flashman, incognegro, mac, movies, near-death, stupidity, winston

So Jager said tomorrow is National Act Like A Pirate day. Sweet!

Labels: jager, stupidity

I'm not going to lie to you, mistakes were made last night. Expensive mistakes. margaritas at lunch, especially strong-ass ones, are not advisable to a man on a budget like myself. Nor was the ten hours of partying afterwards. At least I got to bed before midnight.

And don't lend your shirt to a stripper; you're then forced to walk around in a t-shirt.

Labels: drinking, stupidity

After a nice homemade breakfast, Seerwah and I headed to their local gym. Now calling Life Time Fitness just a gym is quite the understatement. This place is more than the typical gym: two floors, indoor-outdoor pool, day spa, day care facility (where they take the rug rats for up to two hours), dry sauna, steam room, plasma screens in the locker rooms, and on and on. Enough stuff to make me almost think about working out on a consistent basis.

Labels: cooking, seerwah, stupidity

I went out to a happy hour last night along with Queen G, JMVC, and some of their friends. Well, we both told Black Crowes concert stories. His was better, but my story prompted a question that has haunted me since: where is the most unusual place I've urinated? I can't remember anything better than the back seat of the car I drove to Black Crowes concert in Tampa. I know I've pissed some place stranger than that.

Labels: jmvc, music, stupidity

The one time I regret missing one of those worthless halftime specials and Ashlee Simpson gets soundly booed after performing. Well, I saw that much of it but hope she was booed throughout. Man, she is horrible. She is DONE.

She was somehow worse than the overated Oklahoma Sooners (how could Texas lose to that shitty team?). Where were the Auburn Tigers when you needed them?

Labels: football, sports, stupidity

I ran some errands at lunch and stopped for a little Sonic on the way back. I've been eating real shitty that past couple weeks, but a quick New Year's resolution will take care of that.

Anyway, my bill came out to be $5.92 so I handed the girl $21.17. The people at Sonic don't have registers, so I can sort of understand her reply of "Why did you give me that?" Maybe I just appreciate her honesty. I explain how I did that to get $5.25 back so she hands over the appropriate amount of change. Not one minute later she comes back and says I owe her back a dollar. She was quickly dismissed, but it goes to show you the great math skills of today's children.

Labels: stupidity

I got loaded Tuesday, but I had enough sense to not get loaded last night. Yo! did not have that much sense. The thread:

Yo! (10:29:36 AM): hung over again
Yo! (10:29:57 AM): walkthrough in a couple of hours
thepurveyor (10:30:14 AM): you got drunk again? dude...
Yo! (10:40:35 AM): yes....going away party
thepurveyor (10:40:53 AM): dude, you might want to cut
back on the getting loaded during the week
Yo! (10:41:45 AM): can't stop now
Yo! (10:41:56 AM): only thing that makes me feel better/
thepurveyor (10:42:07 AM): that's indeed sad
Yo! (10:42:20 AM): I am looking forward to it tonight
Yo! (10:42:25 AM): I can't sleep
thepurveyor (10:42:33 AM): sleep, more sleep, and lots of liquids got me over my hangover
Yo! (10:43:12 AM): I agree...but I can't sleep.
Yo! (10:43:12 AM): have to go to the party
Yo! (10:43:17 AM): need more liquor
Yo! (10:43:23 AM): to feel better
thepurveyor (10:43:29 AM): another going away part tonight?
Yo! (10:43:34 AM): I feel like shit again
Yo! (10:43:40 AM): and I have to meet with people
Yo! (10:43:40 AM): yes
thepurveyor (10:43:50 AM): well, if you have to
Yo! (10:43:56 AM): I am trying to make it through the day
Yo! (10:44:07 AM): I don't care what happens today
Yo! (10:44:18 AM): I am a train wreck
thepurveyor (10:45:18 AM): sounds like somebody needs an intervention
thepurveyor (10:45:32 AM): fortunately that's not my job
Yo! (10:46:15 AM): going out friday night to for a party
Yo! (10:46:20 AM): no stopping it
Yo! (10:46:25 AM): out of control
thepurveyor (10:46:32 AM): practice makes perfect
Yo! (10:47:35 AM): I just want to walk out the front door
thepurveyor (10:48:47 AM): go back to the hotel and then show up for the party
Yo! (10:50:01 AM): yes....but long day ahead.
Yo! (10:50:01 AM): walkthrough today
thepurveyor (10:50:32 AM): oh yeah?
thepurveyor (10:50:33 AM): that's no good
thepurveyor (10:50:34 AM): i believe the techincal term is "you're screwed"
thepurveyor (10:50:46 AM): when's the walkthrough? go out and get a whiskey and coke
Yo! (10:50:51 AM): I feel like I"m jumping out of a plane
Yo! (10:51:02 AM): I need that...anything
Yo! (10:51:18 AM): I'm jittery
Yo! (10:51:23 AM): strung out
Yo! (10:51:34 AM): I want to lay on the floor
thepurveyor (10:51:41 AM): you're my idol
Yo! (10:52:34 AM): eyes are blood shot
Yo! (10:52:50 AM): best thing
Yo! (10:53:06 AM): fire alarm when off at hotel at 7:30am
Yo! (10:53:22 AM): I feel like Bill the cat.
Yo! (10:53:27 AM): wrecked
thepurveyor (10:54:35 AM): after this weekend, i'm taking some time off drinking. until PC gets to town.
Yo! (10:58:03 AM): going to orlando
Yo! (10:58:15 AM): to go drinking around the world
Yo! (11:11:25 AM): i have to get some sleep or
it is going to look like, "leaving las vegas".
Yo! (11:11:25 AM): did I mention I don't know
the conent of the walkthrough that I am doing.
Yo! (11:11:25 AM): ?
Yo! (11:11:25 AM): so fucked
Yo! (11:11:25 AM): so, so, fucked
Yo! (11:11:25 AM): so fucked I am giddy
Yo! (11:13:29 AM): I am on my knees in my head
thepurveyor (11:25:03 AM): nice work
thepurveyor (11:25:17 AM): no clue about what you're
presenting? and hungover? i love that.
Yo! (11:28:59 AM): I am lost with the material
Yo! (11:28:59 AM): my hope is that nobody will be paying attention
Yo! (11:29:20 AM): and my bullshit wil go un notices
Yo! (11:29:20 AM): noticed
Yo! (11:29:46 AM): after the walkthrough....I'm that much closer to my next drink'
Yo! (11:30:02 AM): the drink is the only way I will get to sleep tonight
Yo! (11:47:09 AM): I feel like crying
Yo! (11:47:09 AM): I
Yo! (11:47:15 AM): I'm going to crack
thepurveyor (1:27:07 PM): good work!
thepurveyor (1:36:03 PM): how you doing?
Yo! (2:06:11 PM): walktthroug finished
thepurveyor (2:06:20 PM): how'd it go, slugger?
Yo! (2:06:36 PM): stellar
thepurveyor (2:06:55 PM): everyone else hungover?
Yo! (2:07:04 PM): went great
Yo! (2:07:09 PM): I would have bet money it would be a train wrec
thepurveyor (2:07:28 PM): well, your half-assed work is still better than most people's best efforts
Yo! (2:08:23 PM): accidentally great
Yo! (2:19:14 PM): feeling a bit better
Yo! (2:19:33 PM): still strung out....but less stressed
Yo! (2:19:33 PM): still suprised I did not bomb
Yo! (2:19:44 PM): the meeting
Yo! (2:19:51 PM): must have been on autopilot
thepurveyor (2:20:34 PM): you're a good presenter, i'm sure you just hit autopilot
thepurveyor (2:20:45 PM): you ooze bullshit, so that helps
Yo! (2:21:03 PM): yes...autopilot was on
thepurveyor (2:21:12 PM): and, as stated before, you half-assed is better than most's best efforts
Yo! (2:21:26 PM): before I knew it, it was over and everyone was happy
Yo! (2:24:13 PM): and I have time for a nap
Yo! (2:24:13 PM): then back out.
thepurveyor (2:24:28 PM): go to it
Yo! (2:24:45 PM): I have got to shut down for a little while....feel like I'm unravelling
thepurveyor (2:25:27 PM): yeah, get to sleep before you totally unravel
thepurveyor (2:25:41 PM): drink a lot of water or gatorade and pass out
Yo! (2:26:58 PM): agreed

Labels: drinking, stupidity, yo

Seerwah and I went for an hour ride that turned into two each way. He and the misses bought a piece of furniture on the way back from Houston last weekend. Apparently they were closer to Houston that I was led to believe, but to make matters worse I bought two big pieces myself. Hmmm, what to do?  I have no idea when I'll be able to get this shit picked up and back to my place.  I may be screwed.

Labels: seerwah, stupidity

I talked with Yo! earlier and he's spending several grand so he can race his new Corvette. I think it was a new set of fat tires and a trailer to pull them. I had hoped his mid-life crisis moment had passed and he had forgotten about this silliness. The shitty thing is I know I'll have to have to speak at his funeral and I hate public speaking. Hate it. Though I do like to wear suits. Well, I don't like it as much as I look good in a suit. So Yo! now has my approval.

Labels: stupidity, yo

So I'm out with my brother working in the backyard and my neighbor comes by for some pool advice. Next thing I know my brother's inviting her to dinner. WTF?! My place is a friggin mess plus I don't even have a real dinning room table. What in the hell was he thinking?

Labels: stupidity

So Joseph Biden might want to retake American History. He pointed out, to Muammar Kaddafi of all people, that George Washington had started the American Revolution, but that he was "kicked out" after eight years in office. Glad to see Biden encapsulates what may be the most groundbreaking moments in American history so succinctly.

Labels: stupidity

I got a distress call from Bubba early Friday evening. He was out with Mrs. Bubba and some of her teacher friends and needed some help keeping sane. So I jumped into the shower and headed up towards his part of town. I rarely venture past 183 so heading up I-35 to Wells Branch was a unique. And going to Roper's (a country bar) made this a novelty not worth missing.

I never go country bars (unless it's Ginny's Longhorn Saloon, but that's right near my place) so I don't know what to expect. What is it with them? Aren't there young country bars and old country bars? All other types of bars differentiate by your age, but not the country bars. Nope, they are for 18 to death. And even beyond depending on how hard you look.

I'd say the setup of Roper's is very similar to a roller rink. People all go spin around dancing. Why? I'm not really sure, but those folks seemed content. And just because it's a country bar, don't think they don't play the crappy dance music to get the girls on the dance floor. As a result music from AC/DC to Nelly was piped in for all to grind to. And when I say "all", I do mean the young and old. Including this croker doing the splits. Seriously, that could have been the last thing that guy ever did.

That was strange, but not nearly as strange as the weird old lady sitting against the rail. She had a series of signs made up that she'd show to passing dancers. Signs with slogans such as "You Go Girl!", "Great Moves", "Way to Go", and "No Stopping You" intrigued me. I checked with Bubba thinking this was some sort of country tradition to show appreciation, but he was as dumbfounded as me. So I was forced to conclude that the old hag was plain loopy.

Throughout all of this I had Mrs. Bubba telling me that she was so surprised that I came out to a country bar. And each time it came out as if those words were uttered for the first time. Mrs. Bubba's a sweetheart, but Mrs. Bubba may have had a couple too many tall Jack and Cokes. But she's got to put up with Bubba somehow.

And then the most shocking thing occurred. Wreck-N-Effect's classic, "Rump Shaker", came on and the girls ran for the dance floor. Girls outnumbered the guys, so girls dancing together wasn't surprising. Then I had a two-by-four hit me: two girls grinding all over each other and making out. That's right, girls kissing each other on the dance floor of a country bar. These places aren't too bad after all.

Labels: drinking, stupidity

While walking down the hallway, I happened by my supervisor's office. She's off today, but somebody left a note with a picture on the door. What the fuck are we still in college? What's next, dry erase boards? If it is college, this dorm sucks.

Labels: stupidity, work

After cooking up some grub (hamburgers, chicken, snausage, and pasta salad), we spent the first part of Saturday night hitting the Charlie Robinson concert. He's some country artist of moderate renown. This was taking place about 30 minutes from the campsite at Gruene Hall, which was conveniently located in Gruene, Texas. Having never attended a country show, I had very little expectations other than drinking alcohol. Well, the experience was a bit better than I would have thought. And I did get to experience several weird situations:

• I was getting a beer and saw this drunk-ass woman hitting on this guy...with her daughter in tow...with some other dude leering at the situation and the woman egging him on.
  
• A couple recounted a story about trying to sit down with a non-smoker. He didn't mind if they smoked as long as they were swingers.
  
• A dude with a back brace came asking people to help him get his wallet out of his back pocket.
  
• Charlie Robinson giving a shout out to the troops and saying "How you doing Gruene Hall" like a thousand times.
  
• Charlie (we’re close like that) playing just enough of some classic rock tunes to get me interested just to go back to his country songs.
  
• And there was me driving everyone home. Within five minutes, everyone was sleeping.

We got back to the campsite and just about everyone passed out immediately (or in the case of some of the folks in my car, woke up just long enough to go back to sleep). There was enough time for me to win my $50 bet with DM over whether or not "Emotional Rescue" was on the Rolling Stones' 40 Licks. I then proceeded to celebrate by being up until 2:45 am and closing down the campsite, but that's too be expected. I would have been gone longer but drinking alone for 45 minutes was enough.

Labels: drinking, stupidity, the saw

Saturday was a long, long night. First we hit the Easy Rhino for a pre-party drink. We should have stayed there for a bit longer because we ended up showing up for the party a bit too early for my taste. BM's got a sweet place, btw. MT thought it more social to talk to other interact with other party-goers while Chilly D and I thought it better for me to rant on in a corner about nothing in particular. We blew through a couple bottles of wine when I thought it time to head to Antone's and meet up with JMVC and company. Though I managed to forget my camera case before I departed. And we left a soldier behing; MT's party-going nature convinced him to stay behind. Well, he met some woman. It seemed like we had a pretty good plan to collect him later on. More on MT later.

God bless J-saw. He sure is a trooper. He ran the 5k, played softball, and basketball (all this was part of a memorial scholarship for a friend of his) and still was out with everyone. That's the kind of dedication America's all about.

JMVC has raved about Grupo Fantasma for as long as I've known him. I had never seen them but now see why he rhapsodizes so. It was easy to forget that this was not necessarily my type of music when there were so many beautiful women around. Aye carumba! Communication was extremely difficult as my voice was nearly gone and the club extremely loud. I tried my best Marcel Marceau material to no avail. Instead I just pointed out what other people were drinking to the bartender. Hopefully they just thought I was eccentric.

On a day of a 5k, something even rarer seen: NGF dancing. And not his typical "b-bopping, put your hands in the air like you just don't care" dancing. Real attempted dancing. Slight prompting from Lo and an amalgamation of alcoholic beverages in my gullet made it seem like not such a bad idea. BS later informed me that it was the first time he had ever seen a person dance without moving their hips. I like my hips the way they are and they aren't going anywhere.

After Antone's, I tried to track down my car. For some reason, I thought bunches of people were coming back to our place. Regardless, I couldn't find my car to save my life. I've misplaced cars in the most obvious places before so I had put a note in my phone to remind me where the car was. And it wasn't there. There were two bottles of wine in there so maybe somebody did steal it. And then, I had one of the Seinfeld type moments when the attendant said "The parking across the street looks exactly like this one, you should check that out." And he was right. Some loud Outkast made the half-hour wasted seem less wasted. Back to the house.

Walking through the concrete shells kept me from receiving phone calls for a bit, but I had a couple calls: one from Lo called up to say they had arrived; and one from seemingly intoxicated MT asking where I was and to call him back at some miracle nine-digit phone number. One of those people got a call back.

More wine back at the place; Raspy man doing Tim Burtonesque re-imaginings of Godfather dialogue; weird pictures of people's feet; drunken phone calls to London (sorry FG!); and a reappearance of MT on the lazy-boy capped off the long night. Well, it was early Sunday morning by this time. But, really, what's the difference.

Labels: drinking, jmvc, music, stupidity

Well, that was a full couple of days. Getting lost on land and in the water; getting bloody and bruised; and spending a night under the stars. What more could a boy ask for?

But first I got to finish up work. I had worked with this developer all day Thursday and Friday trying to get him set up to do some weekend work. If somebody's working the weekend, I feel obliged to get them everything I can to get them on track (or in this case, back on track). Well, unfortunately, he was in no position to do anything and I got to spin my wheels for another majority of a day. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. Dealing with incorrigible developers has me thinking of going back to coding. I may not be that good, but I knew enough to get with people when I was screwing up.

One final task to do before I left on a personal level. An email cutting a cord. Tough to do but it had to be done.

After that insanity, I rushed home to get ready for the trip. I really wanted to get out of town. Chilly D had just got back into town so we had some food and headed south (or I think it was south). We headed out a bit later than we should as J-saw was already there holding down the fort. A couple of wrong turns later got us to the campsite around 9:30 pm. SL's crew arrived about an hour later and the fun began.

I've never voluntarily exposed myself to nature before. My notion of "roughing it" is sleeping for an hour on my enclosed porch. And that only for a couple of hours for fear of being carried away by wandering animals. I know I live in a city and that chance is remote but that doesn't lessen the fear. Anyway, campsite was set up, food was eaten, drinks imbibed and social formalities conducted. And, of course, pictures taken. SL's group contains a lot of good eggs so it was a good time. He and I hadn't spoken at length in a few weeks, so we ended up chatting about stuff until past four. NGF, last man standing.

Pan to Saturday morning. I awake to the smell of pancakes. J-saw had woken up and was cooking up food for everybody. Mental note: Never don't camp with J-saw. A couple pancakes and a breakfast taco and I'm good to go to the river. Slight problem, it's 9:30 am and the rest of our group isn't supposed to arrive until 11:00 am (Some friends of J-saw are coming tubing for a birthday). Our group is around 8 already. That's well past an acceptable number for a cohesive group. Past four is usually trouble.

We ended up in the river a bit past noon. We almost immediately lost the rest of the group. No big deal though J-saw was also lost. Woe is me. Lots of good pictures taken, though we'll see if that waterproof camera comes through.

Lots of funny stories from the trip but nothing tops the loss of NGF. I went back off the tube to chat with some people. OK, they were funneling beers and I wanted to funnel one, too. Anyway, after that I couldn't catch up with the group. This was towards the end so I assumed there would be plenty of indicators (signs and such) letting me know where the pick up place was. I see nothing, but I'm not too concerned; I talk to people floating by and nobody knows where they are going and are not concerned. So it wasn't until the water starting feeling cold and the sun was going down that I changed my outlook.

I realize I have to be pretty much down when I see a place called "Jerry's Last Stop". I fumble out of the water cutting up my knee and feet to get out of the water. I had apparently entertained some of the attendants of a tube-return station. I dedicate my blood loss to them. They did inform me I was almost as far away from where I needed to be as possible. Next time I won't stop until I see oil rigs in the Gulf.

Oh, did I mention I didn't have anything on my feet? Not a good call on my part.

Well, I meandered for a bit before I found some Rastafarian dude who drove me back to the campsite. Though I insisted the campsite wasn't the campsite and I had him continue on for a bit. I told him do go to my website and email me if he ever came to Austin. He didn't think I was the death metal type. I figured I'd give him a crumb and gave him a recap of the deathmetalthunder.com origin's issue. He didn't get it.

SL's crew was still around. Chilly and J-saw had headed back. I told my tale and got the hell out of Dodge. A couple of phone calls to clear things up along the way but my primary mission was getting back to my bed and some desperately needed sleep.

Labels: chilly, drinking, food, stupidity, the saw