dmt

Crazy/funny things I've heard

Overheard

Aug 21, 2008 by dmt

"My gut feeling on this is that Roths are awesome."

Aces talking about Roth 401(k)

"I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but that whole culture is very cliquish"

My brother talking about getting a driving job with a construction company.

"Oh, a trough? Fucking classy..."

Random jackass going for a leak at The Crown & Anchor.

"The only thing I like better than leaving work is leaving work early"

Me motivating some fellow employees.

"We've had a Congress that's spent money like John Edwards at a beauty shop"

Mike Huckabee, Republican Presidential candidate at the May 5 Republican Presidential debate.

"Monday's a great night to get loaded, nobody thinks you calling in sick on Tuesday has anything to do with you being drunk."

Yo! on my lamenting about getting trashed on a Monday and feeling like shit the next day.

"No, I'm all coked up."

Girl at a bar in response to my inquiry if she was drunk.

"He's like a retarded monkey. Look at the way he walks. And he can barely talk. Bless his soul, he's a retarded monkey."

incognegro quoting his aunt about a current president we may know of.

"This is a really, really funny show."

Bubba on his way out the door after a pretty depressing episode of the "comedy" Scrubs.

"Doctor's say this is the part of the foot that most athletes hurt..."

"So you're an athlete now?"

Mrs. Bubba being interrupted by my brother while telling about her (now-healed) broken foot.

"Is that, that blood on your shoe?"

Winston to The Purveyor after seeing his not so clean shoes. Apparently all the blood from the incident was cleaned off.

"Who in their right mind would pay for jeans with holes already in them?"

"That's the style. Shit, I oughta go buy some!"

incognegro's mom answered by his dad.

"my new rule - no excessive drinking around female friends, or guys who act like female friends"

Tai Chi after an incident where he pissed off one of his female friends.

"So...have you seen my girlfriend's tits?"

Patches in a casual conversation over great burgers at Billy's. Apparently 420 has some picture of herself out online.

"You know who rocks? Tina Turner. She still rocks."

A phone call from over the cube wall.

"You are a triple threat the likes of which has not been seen since Chuck Nevitt."

Jager responing to my boasts of winning a fantasy basketball league, leading a football league, and leading a hockey league. Which isn't the highest of compliments.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: frog skin is not a porous metal."

The Saw in a discussion involving fastening metal to frogs in hopes of putting frogs in fights to the death.

"'It's none of my business; I hope the team self destructs and loses every game.'"

John Kruk when asked how other football players should repond to questions about the Terrell Owens situation.

"It's our right to get fucked up on Sunday. That's why Jesus dies for this country every Saturday, to repeal our sins!"

The Purveyor (with some drunken logic) on why it is ok to go to strip clubs on Sunday.

"thepurveyor: you know anything about changing tanks on propane grills?
taichi: no - but I worked for the City of Houston during high school and changed Chlorine cannisters at city pools
taichi: am certain the concepts are the same
1.) don't breath any of it
2.) insure you have the appropriate tools before you remove the existing tank
3.) Evacuate the whole nieghborhood if there is a huge release of gas
taichi: seriously can't be too hard to change a propone tank for a gas grill"

No description needed.

"Between your mother and me, we've had eight or nine kids."

My dad at the tail end of some story about something. The rest wasn't really memorably.

"He's the roadblock and the whistle blower."

Coworker about this CS who screws up every aspect of everything he gets involved in.

"There is small problem and without that I'd still be on them; your dick doesn't work"

Someone trying to convince The Purveyor to get on antidepressants. Name of that someone withheld.


"You know what's funny? A drunk redneck dancing like James Brown."

"There's some dude here whiter than Will Smith. I want to kill him."

"Playing kickball makes you look homeless."

Observations from a Memorial Day picnic summed up by incognegro.

"Conceptually it's fine. But it's a dumping ground for retards."

Coworker regarding the utilization of his internal testing team.